SPF ??? The Numbers Game

And then he asked the infamous question "What's your number?".. Yeah, right, like anyone ever answers that question with any degree of honesty past the age of 18.. Actually, we lie no matter what age we are at.. There may be a perfect month when we're, say 23, when we've only had maybe 2 serious boyfriends, 2 sort of boyfriends, that one night stand at the Chi Phi Purple Jesus mixer and the sum total of our sexual partners is enough to give us age appropriate bedroom credibility but not so high as to cause jaws to drop.. Then the next week the serious boyfriend cheats on you, your self-esteem takes a nose dive and you somehow manage to triple your number inside of a month.. I guarantee you at least half the women who read this will identify with that phenomenon.. After that, there's no going back and you just never tell the truth again.. So what's my number? I'll tell you what I tell everyone.. That's between me and my God..

So I grabbed a number out of my ass that was actually on the low side of life and to my utter amazement he was still shocked.. Like that scene from Clerks... When I was leaving, I half expected him to yell "Try not to sleep with anyone on your way to the parking lot..".. We sort of got into it verbally, arguing about how men are viewed as studs and women are viewed as sluts and then I completely threw out a number to the point of being ridiculous just to jerk him around: "Ok, just say it's somewhere in the triple digits, like, say for example 168".. This even further appalled him, but amazingly, at the end of the evening, he STILL TRIED TO TAKE ME HOME.. I'm guessing his assumption was if I was at 168, what the hell, why wouldn't I make it 169??

Now, without revealing my number, I will say that I am obviously not a virgin but I do have a penchant for serial monogamy. However, being 33 years old and single during an age where sex by the 5th date is generally the norm, hell, that's probably a conservative estimate, unless Prince Charming gets his shit together and shows up real fuckin' soon, I'm assuming my number will only go up.. Kind of like the express elevator at the Chrysler Building.. In all honesty, most long term single women I know in their 30's have had a fair amount of sexual partners.. It's not because they are of loose moral virtue or indescriminate sexual taste but because it's just inevitable..

So what would most guys say if a girl said her number was 25? Is that high? Is it low? Does that indicate she's slept with the entire highschool basketball team? That she was married? Maybe that she slept with married men? Engaged? What real information does that number convey?

Calculating An Average SPF (Sexual Partner Factor)

Let's run a rough draft for the average single 35 year old woman's number.. Let me reiterate this is not the rundown of mine or any member of the Sisterhood, just an approximate calculation based on what we deem to be normal dating experience.

Definitions:

Serious Relationship - Monogomous Committed Dating aka "Boyfriend, Fiancee or Husband"
Dating Relationship - Monogomous, Non-Committed aka "This guy I went out with"
Non-Relationship Recurring Partner - No Dating, Sex More Than Once aka "Fuck Buddy"(altho, this can be someone you hang out with, no hope of a relationship but have had sex with on more than one occaision, aka "Repeat Offenders")
Non-Recurring Partner - No Dating, Sex One Time aka "One Night Stand" (Not entirely accurate.. This also includes those guys who never called again.. Technically we call those "Assholes"..)

Let's run through an example, shall we??

The last 2 years of High School and College (6 years) - Let's say 3 serious relationships, a drunken one night stand with a frat boy, whoops, I mean 1 non-recurring partner and 1 dating relationship.. Total - 5.. Not bad.. Less than one lover per year..

Post College 20's (8 years) - Let's go with 2 serious relationships, one lasting 1 years, one lasting 4 years.. Take a year off for grieving time.. During the remaining 2 years of single time, assume one non-relationship recurring partner, one non-recurring partner per year and 1 dating relationship every 6 months.. Total - 9 (Sum Total - 14)

Early to Mid -30's (5 years) - Assume 2 serious relationships of no more than a year each, and during the remaining 3 years assume 1 non-recurring partner per year, 1 non-relationship recurring partner per year, and 1 dating relationship per year. Total - 11 (Sum Total - 25)

How about that? We're looking at a 35 year old woman with a number of 25 over 19 years of sexual activity just through a normal course of dating and life experiences.. Can the number be lower? Absolutely.. If a woman was off the market for longer periods of time during relationships or marriage or if she is sexual only in committed monogamous relationships of greater than a year. The reality is, that's not bloody likely.. But if you look at the sexual history above, is this someone who is a tramp? Hardly, the history is based primarily in relationships, with limited non-recurring partners, most of which were probably of the Asshole variety.. The average number of lovers is 1.32 per year.. Not exactly someone making the rounds on the Strip now is it?? Yet most men would get hung up on the number of 25 without realizing that there is more to the story than a number..

Of course, the real kicker as I terminated the numbers discussion was when I sharply pointed out to him, it's better to sleep with an SPF 45 with protection, than an SPF 4 without.. That's one way to get burned for sure..

In the end, that's all your number is.. Just a number..