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Fuck buddies. This is a concept that has been introduced in several of my previous ramblings and is a phrase that is almost universally known by anyone who has been swimming in the dating pool in the last 10 years. Recently I got into a very lively conversation over drinks about varieties of a fuck buddy, why we have them and what they are there for.

Now typically, a fuck buddy (“FB”) is defined as someone you call up exclusively for sex, usually towards last call on a night out when all other avenues for physical companionship have been exhausted.. Technically, physical attraction (or enough alcohol to induce a strong state of beer goggled-ness) is the only requirement as I have been assured by several parties that the best FB they ever had was not someone they liked or enjoyed spending time with but actually someone they couldn’t stand when their clothes were on and would never consider dating.

Most of the men that were involved in the conversation admitted having an FB “of sorts” almost at all times. When questioned about the presence of a girlfriend, one actually admitted that when since he started dating his current girlfriend, he only did drive-by, daytime hook ups to include oral gratification only, no full nudity and no sleeping over. I suggested he run for president, so tried and true was his moral compass. The general theme with the guys was they kept someone one standby as a “Flirt Buddy” even when engaged in a committed relationship, just in case their dating status changed. What we have was essentially the sexual version of an understudy.

The girls in the conversation admitted to having long standing FB relationships “of sorts” that varied during their dating status. One of the more interesting stories was from CJ, who admitted to having an over year long dirty text and email relationship with one specific guy but had actually only consummated the deed on 2 occasions, both times when she was single, completely sober and in the middle of the afternoon. Well, as she admitted later, the 2 full hook-ups and two very risky public blowjobs in a parking deck during her lunch hour. The FB in question was one of the local bartenders and the vast majority of their texting went on right in the middle of post work drink activities when both were surrounded by other people. They got massively turned on by talking dirty via text while surrounded by unsuspecting co-workers and friends. An element of risk and secrecy made it that much more fun.. She maintained the naughty messaging even when monogamously dating and excused it as harmless and actually beneficial for her relationship b/c after a good happy hour at the bar trading dirty texts, her boyfriend could bypass foreplay altogether.

Supporting the “you don’t even have to like them” theory was B, who admitted her best FB was a guy that sort of traveled in similar circles as she did that she couldn’t stand. She never did get into what led to the first encounter (altho it’s not too hard to imagine a conversation of “You are such an asshole.. Let’s get out of here..”) she said that they would literally just lock eyes at some point towards the end of the night, nod and, with no preconceived plans, just sort of leave separately at appropriate intervals and meet up at his place within 15 minutes.. Interestingly, she said they almost never spoke to each other (with the exception of the standard coital ramblings) and once it was over, she would get up, get dressed and head out the door without so much as a goodbye. She ceased the arrangement when she started dating her current boyfriend but confessed that, while “relationship sex” was more emotionally satisfying, her FB was probably the best technical sex she ever had. This was attributed to the fact that she didn’t care what he thought of her, if he would think she was a freak or kinky or if he even came, she was there to get hers and once she did, she was gone.

The conclusion, after many drinks was that, probably everyone has or has had an FB “of sorts”.. They may be shelved or edited for television once one of the participants enters into a relationship but ultimately, there is something satisfying about the knowledge that getting laid is only a phone call or text message away. The ideal FB is like good pizza delivery: it comes in under 30 minutes, leaves you satisfied and is a fabulous, occasional guilty pleasure.